The Brave New World

As I wake up to a life in the brave new world of self-publishing, I have contradictory emotions.  The ‘snobby’ writer part of me that has me rolling my eyes at the very idea of self-publishing (combined with the holier than thou comments that leave my lips) and the revelation that although it is different, maybe it isn’t about admitting defeat, as I first believed.

It is by no means easy.  I kid you not; I have worked my arse off.  It isn’t just a matter of uploading a book, throwing yourself on the sofa and pouring a glass of champagne because you’re there.  Hell, not even close.

I have spent a couple of months sitting on the beach and watching the tides; searching out the rips.  The life guard standing at the flags is the Squeeze who has sent me a million websites on self-published authors and how they got there.

There was no way was I going to stick my toe in the water until I knew where the sharks were lurking…  And there is a whole world of preparation you must do prior to approaching the water’s edge.  Finding the wetsuit that fits; or in this case, the ePublisher.  Trying on the floaties – how you market it.  Slapping on the sunscreen – attending to the documentation that means you get taxed 5% as opposed to 30%.  It was a never ending surf patrol really.

And now I’m done.  I’m up there.  I’m out there, in the world.  What did I learn..?

Well I learned the negatives.   Self-publishing means you don’t have the luxury of working with an editor so your work goes live after edits and reedits, but by no one other than you; and let’s face it, we often don’t see our own mistakes (in many things).

I also learnt that you can upload it, but if no one knows who you are or where you are, then it will sit for a month without anyone buying it.  Well your family will buy it, but that doesn’t count; they have to!  They even have to go in and leave you good reviews, even if most of them haven't bothered to read it.

But there were positives on this curve of learning also.  I did my own artwork for the cover; and liked it.  It represented the story exactly; and who else could design a cover to represent the story, other than the writer?  Had I been picked up by a publisher, there wasn’t a hope in hell I’d have had any say in the cover or a million other things.

The marketing side of it I covered this weekend – and don’t think that won’t be an evolution process.  I’ve been twittering my head off; weird really since I don’t quite get Twitter and don’t actually see the point in it but we do what we must!  And if I move forward on Twitter, then I can selfishly keep my Facebook account separate.  Unlike the rest of the world, I don’t count “friends” on Facebook.  I cull.  I cull a lot.  I’ve got it locked down tight and restricted to real friends and family; only.

But then I saw a comment go by on twitter about putting your book up for free for a weekend and that the publicity, the free downloads – sometimes helps with the sales.  I’m testing that this weekend.  So far, it is sitting on 460 downloads for the weekend.  This is about 450 more than I have had in the whole time it has been up…

When I had a quick look yesterday and saw 330 people had downloaded it, I restarted explorer; there must be a mistake.  Then I restarted the router and the laptop – and by then, it was 337 – and it kept creeping up.

Yeah, yeah, it’s free.  Who cares, it was never about the money anyhow.  It's never been about the money.

And it has moved the Squeeze that one step closer to getting something up; even he has begun to lose that ‘holier than thou’ mindset…

The world has changed.  Changed for us all.   Changed for the publisher that didn’t bother to get back to me for over a year and the agent who sent me a “dear author” letter – like I wasn’t worth the time it took to actually look up my name.

The wheel has turned and it will be interesting to see where it goes.

And as for the Squeeze; isn’t this what partnership is all about?  He watches my back.  I watch his.  He sends me anything he thinks I should enter; I do the same.  If either of us made it, the other would be beside themselves with happiness (and probably spending the first royalty check).

Yes.  That is how it should be.  Perhaps the stars were not aligned with husband number three, but if nothing else, he had support down pat.  I never lived the 'arctic' Squeeze life.

He has often said if he had to dedicate a book to the Harridan, the dedication would read “not one day…”   Which I assume means that not one day, did she support him.  Pity she didn’t as he really is extremely talented and a far better writer than I am.  He once told me about his collecting a prize for a competition (in fact I think if was runner up for the Vogel or something equally as cool).  He hovered behind a curtain, nervously awaiting his name to be called. 

What he should have felt at that moment was a jittery, surreal excitement.  Instead, what he felt was a wave of Harridan's projected thoughts; standing somewhere behind him.  Not an altruistic bone in her body.  Not wiping at the tears with pride as it should be; no, she stood, just this hulking figure, emitting a single self-absorbed chant:  “what about me… what about me…. When is it MY TIME!”

His words had scared me at the time; such a picture it had evoked.

10 Novels - Guaranteed to Scare

Given that I am a horror writer, I find it astounding that that ever shrinking section marked as horror in the bookstores I frequent, has escaped evolution.  You have your Stephen King and Dean Koontz novels; a few vampires, the odd werewolf, but nothing new that you can sink your teeth into.  Now it’s not that I don’t love Koontz and King…  but where are the emerging writers..? 
I found this list of 10 horror books in the Huffington Post that were guaranteed not to include sparkly vampires, phonetic Maine accents, sexy 20-something paranormal detectives in love triangles/quadrangles with bad boy vampires/werewolves and whatever else happens in a Dean Koontz novel these days.

“The House on the Borderland" by William Hope Hodgson

“Ghost Stories of an Antiquary" by M. R. James

"The Nightwalker" by Thomas Tessier

"Song of Kali" by Dan Simmons

“The King in Yellow" by Robert W. Chambers

“The Witch of Prague & Other Stories" by F. Marion Crawford

“Songs of a Dead Dreamer" by Thomas Ligotti

"The Face That Must Die" by Ramsey Campbell

"The Three Impostors" by Arthur Machen

"Cold Hand in Mine" by Robert Aickman

I intend to seek out every single one of them and give them a read…

Dawn Breaking

I was unaware of dawn breaking when it happened at my place; I didn’t wake up until about 9am given that my daughter and I went to a 12.01am showing of Breaking Dawn, part one of the last of the Twilight movies.  They leave it so long between movies that I keep thinking I’ll be disappointed.  I wasn’t; it was actually pretty good. 

I have read those books multiple times.  Why?  I mean they are not particularly well written.  In some places I have cringed at how she has worded things or spoken in what she considers, teenage lingo – but it was a fantastic story.

I’m a horror fan and the original Dracula was a love story; so I didn’t consider the love interest part to be so far-fetched; but she then went on to alter everything we knew about vampire!  No burning in the sun; garlic – myth!  No crosses…  Sparkly!!!   So anyone that can write a story about a vampire, change every rule previously written; have an average writing style – but still sell over 100 million copies globally and pack out the movie theatres at 12.01 am on opening night; can tell a story.

Of course it is so damned romantic that you can’t help but leaving the movie wondering what you did wrong as you get into bed next to a lump that doesn’t even wake up!  I’m not even hoping for the sparkly super human bit!

Premium…

With Smashwords, if you make it into the Premium list, which is basically just making sure you follow the design guidelines and meet the criteria set out in the guide – then you start to get listed on other online bookstores.

I made it to the premium list last week.

Tonight, a quick search reveals that I’m now on Barnes and Nobel and another website called Diesel eBooks.  I had to type The Zmora in to find it; it wasn’t like it came up on the front page in 172 point type with flashing lights…  But at least it’s there.
I had a minor setback in my eBook PR search; in that the hard disk on my laptop died and I’ve had to send it off to repair.  For a week or so at least, I’ll just see where it goes via the Smashwords engine.

Of course my lack of laptop hampers my ability to also, which is as annoying as hell…

The upside is that I’m on borrowed computer, I’m actually working.  And on something else. Something new.  Setting The Zmora free was the right thing to do and at the right time I suspect.  We can cling to those stories forever, but to what gain..?

Cream to the Top

Last night I went to a book launch in Aireys’s Inlet. 

I had done the ‘whereis.com.au’ due to the fact that I’m directionally dyslexic.  It said 1.45 from Oakleigh and the same back [note: it was actually 2.15]; which is a long damned day, except it was one of my best friends launching a book, so if the invite had of said “the moon”, although I couldn’t have got an accurate time from whereis.com.au; I’d have still gone.

Book launches for me are like revisiting my youth; just with a different set of worries from what I had in those days.  Then, it was ‘false pretences’; hell, I couldn’t even form the word “writer” in case someone raised a quivering finger in my direction and shouted “imposter!!!!”   Now days, I can quite calmly say I’m a writer, but wonder if I look really old compared to these people that I see only at launches; and that could have been ten years ago.  That aside, I see a million people that I have known forever and a day; fantastic people that due to life, I get to see rarely.  We may not have seen one another for years, but can speak as though it was yesterday.

The launch was held in a tiny bookshop.  Is there a better place?  I may have published my first eBook but at the end of the day, the feel; the look, holding a book in my hand – that is life.  Part of me believes I have to get over the “inferior complex”, part of me still, and always will, believes the publisher path is so much cooler…  And it is after all.  Those of us that publish an eBook do so for one reason; in the hope to be picked up by a “real publisher”.

We went to dinner first and the room was overflowing with would be writers.  And believe me; we are all in the same place.  We have no choice but to write; but if we ‘make it’; it is the difference between squeezing in writing around a real job, and actually just writing.

I have another blog.  It is about my life; relationship… kids.  It covers off the ex-wife (his), and every stupid, horrendous, plain idiotic thing people do in life.  In it, there is not one name; I’m careful about that.

This blog is completely different.  In this, I hope to be able to expand on my journey as a writer.  The pitfalls and trust me, that is using the term loosely.  From the moment you acknowledge a rejection that has your name, rather than “dear author” as a “positive rejection”, I’m not sure you actually exist in the sane world anymore. 

We hit a brick wall every, damned, day.  I have the bruises on my forehead to prove it.  My partner, Chris Quigley, who also a writer; has been very supportive on the eBook path.  I have an inward wry grin that he believes this is a good thing for my book, but I’m not seeing him lining up to do his; I don’t think it is cool enough…

So, the launch last night was for a book called “Tales from the Tower” – Volume One: The Wilful Eye and Volume Two – The Wicked Wood.  Trust me, if you want to see brilliance in action; go buy both of these books.

The books are rewrites of fairy tales; interesting concept and to be honest if I’m ever asked to rewrite a fairy tale, I’m doing it from an opposing view.  Snow White, hell, I would always write as the Wicked Step Mother because she has a tale to tell, that is for sure.    My other choice was Hansel and Gretel – again, the Step Mother.  There could be a theme here…  And maybe I should hope my partner doesn’t read this.

The collection was gathered by my girlfriend, Isobelle Carmody and writer editor, Nan McNab.  The beauty of book one, is another friend, Rosie Borella, has a story in the book and it was wonderful to catch up; even more so as one of her novels had, only that week, been accepted by Allen and Unwin.  She has made it.  Made it not in the “successful eBook” way; but in the super cool “in print” way.  Trust me; she has done it tough, just as we all do.  I know, I have heard every near hit and miss through Isobelle.  But we all know – cream goes to the top; and she wrote cream.

The message here people, is that persistence is the key.

I may have wished the Zmora made it in the “really cool publisher” way; but in some ways, releasing it into the world was cathartic.  It finished it.  I loved the story.  I loved the book.  I still do; but it’s not the one that will be ‘the one’.  And upon release; it meant I could pick up the next.

The next, Moonbears – I face with as much optimism as the last…

The Easy Part

It sounds bizarre I know, but actually sitting down and writing a book is the easy part in my world as a writer.  Mostly, it writes itself; when a story is good, it takes off on its own.  I sit at the keyboard and the story evolves as though I was reading it.  I’ve always felt that the complete story was already in my head, I just had to download it.  And the downloading; ahhh there is nothing quite like it.  But that is where the fun comes to a screaming halt.  From there on in, you are on an endless merry-go-around of pain, creativity, edit, rewrite, need, rejection, pain.

You linger in bookshops, iPhone in hand making notes on publishers. I trail the YA aisle.  My partner, the adult section in whatever obscure genre he writes in; probably wherever you would find Henry Miller’s “Opus Pistorum”.  Each of us, hunting for a publisher we haven’t sent our manuscript to and although you would figure that list is long and illustrious, it is not quite as long by the time you get in the door, head for Google and track down the never ending requirements, that mile long list of what they won’t take.

And let’s face it; rejection has become our middle name.  You know you have endured and accepted rejection when you can be pleased by it.  I’ve actually heard myself say “that was a fantastic rejection…”

Publishers send refusals, sometimes good ones; sometimes a generic “dear author”; some have held my book for a year only to send a “thanks, but no thanks…”  Agents:  I haven’t contacted many, but the ones I have don’t seem not to bother with a reply.

So I swallow my pride and publish my work on Smashwords.  I may be able to write a book; I have a full time job project managing IT in a network of hospitals – but winding my way through the quagmire of self-publishing; is a whole new ball game.

In truth, it feels like a betrayal.  It feels as though I’m the ugly girl who has bought the beauty queen crown.  It is a hollow victory.  It conjures memory of every scathing comment I have ever made on ‘self-publishing’.

Last night, I read an eBook piece from the Victorian Writer magazine to a friend of mine.  It said “if you write a successful eBook, you will be cool.  If you write a successful print book, you will be retro-cool, which we children of the 60’s think is way cooler!

And that sums it up in a nutshell.

I fight an internal battle with myself each day.  To self-publish a book puts me on a wrung of the ladder of contempt.  That is obviously something I will need to snap out of as I begin the research and quest to get The Zmora out in the world.

The First Post...

I decided that I couldn't really blog about my book, so I would just blog about writing. The ambition to become something that is a minefield of variables; your life’s work… Dependent on how someone feels on any given day – or maybe they just don’t particularly like the genre I’m writing in. 

Then, if that wasn’t enough, we have to add human nature into the equation.  I write romance and it lands on an editor’s desk.  Normally, this editor is swanning around the office in a state of utter bliss, but last night she discovered erotic text messages on her husband’s phone – I’m sure you get my point. 

For the record, I don't write romance, I write horror.  Why?  Who the Hell knows.  I don't believe we choose what we write; it chooses us.

But back to wanting to become a writer...  I’d have had it just as easy if I'd woken up one morning, rolled over and thought to myself “I want to be an astronaut”.